A LETTER FROM JESSICA

I’m 20 years old and when I was born, 3 different doctors told my parents to amputate both my legs below the knees because there was NO chance that I’d be able to walk. My parents decided against amputating and needless to say, after learning to crawl in full leg casts on my hands and feet, I took my first steps just after I was one… proving the doctors wrong.

I was born missing the entire fibula in both of my legs. I also have multiple other deformities of my feet and ankles. I wore braces on my legs until I was 14, and I’ve had more surgeries than I can count. Each time I had a surgery its purpose was of course to make something better, but each time it only made things worse and caused other things to go wrong. I lost faith in the doctors because after being promised that things would be better, they were always worse.

As a child I was raised that I was no different than anyone else. It was instilled in me that I could do anything that anyone else could do. I never really thought of myself as being disabled. As I got older, I had more surgeries, got more scars, became even more deformed, and was in more and more pain.

Within the past 4 years the pain has gotten worse and worse. It’s to the point now where walking around, or even standing in one place for just an hour is excruciating, and I suffer for a week after. It has been very hard for me because it has forced me to accept the fact that I am disabled.

Finally I had enough. As an adult I looked at myself and my situation and realized that I had to put my foot down (no pun intended) and stand up for myself. I accepted the fact that my legs were falling apart under me and that I could either let the doctors keep doing surgeries to prolong and slow the deterioration and in turn cause more scars, pain and damage, or I could take the situation into my own hands and choose to amputate. I emphasize choose because although all the doctors I have seen all admit that my legs aren’t going to last forever no matter what they do, they will keep cutting me open until eventually there will be nothing left. In their opinion, even if I have pain, am scarred up, deformed more, and in a wheelchair, ‘at least I still have my legs’. Well, I’m sorry but I just can’t accept that. There is no reason why I should have to suffer through my 20’s and 30’s to only end up having my legs amputated, or in a wheelchair one day anyway.

After doing a lot a research and talking to so many prosthetists, orthotists, doctors, and other amputees, I realized that by giving up my legs below the knees and having prosthetics would completely change my life. I found out that I’d be able to stand as long as I want and do everything I love to do again (like riding horses), because I wouldn’t have anymore pain. When I found out that there was even a chance that I’d be able to not feel disabled and not be in pain anymore I was filled with hope about my future for the first time in a long while. I never would have found this hope if I hadn’t started researching my options. Now instead of going to college to be a CPA as I had been (the only reason I chose that field was because I could do it sitting, and make enough money so I could have horses), if I can get prosthetics, I will be able to stand without pain so I can do what I have always dreamed of doing… which is to be a horse veterinarian.

The only problem is I am only 20 and prosthetic legs cost thousands and thousands of dollars, and they have to be replaced every couple of years. I know that on my own I’ll never be able to afford all the expenses, and it really stinks because here I am with an opportunity to start my life over and the only thing that is stopping me is the fact that I am a broke college student.

I am going ahead with the surgery even though I do not have anyway to pay for the prosthetics. I hope that this doesn’t end here for me!

With Hope and Sincerity,

Jessica Siconolfi-Pelkey